My friend is gone

Some may ask why anyone would put their thoughts and emotions out there for everyone to read. I ask myself that sometimes as I type the words that often seem to just flow without effort. I am no Hemingway but I can spell better than Patrick, (sponge bob or Bovea) I do it because for me it helps. Maybe because misery loves company, maybe because it helps to know other's have had or having the same feelings, good and bad. My last blog was funny, got to admit I was way off on that one. This one is more serious. I miss my friend. I have several friends both male and female that I know without a doubt they would be here for me if I truly needed help. I know they care about me even with my Roswell theories and my roulette thoughts. I am not one to be with my friends on Friday nite or to gather around the camp fire. Just having them is often enough for me. Yet, there was one friend. He was and will always be important to me. He was the one who knew me best. He knew my fears, my jokes, my pain and my love. He was a good man in a bad situation. He cared about me in his own way, the only way he felt he could. He had the capability to make me the happiest or the saddest I have ever been. He bought me the coolest gifts when it was gift giving time, otherwise that one was a money squeezer. I never wanted his money, only his time. He didn't have much of that to give and the world began to en fringe on our small little lives. I could no longer wait for my share of time, I could no longer watch him struggle to accommodate all that was expected from him. I would not continue to lose footing on that ladder of people. Do I doubt he cared or loved me, nope, he put up with alot from me, as I did in a different way from him. Did or do I love him, yes, I always will, he was my best friend, he believed in me when I didn't, couldn't believe in myself, he loved me for me and my cuss words as much as he disliked them. He was kind to me, patient with me and he was always nice about it! (inside joke)I miss him tonite. I pushed him away because it was time, our friendship had no space or time left, but the hurt is still there and the vacant place where once there were stories, phone calls and dreams seems so large tonite. I will cherish the memories I have of my friend and wonder why fate has a way of always having me just barely miss finding very own friend to keep. I have my very special friends and they make me feel better, and as greg says, sweetie it was just time, and he is right. Next blog will be about one of my other "odd" date, I will call one eyed wonder. later chicks and chickettes.