My first and only...

By the time people are my age, being able to say "my first and only..." is a rare event. Yes, admit it most of my friends have tried alot of things, some being admittable some not so much! Especially me. I am a creature of severe habit. I seldom break my routine, how utterly boring. However, not too long ago I scurried outside my hole and tried something totally unheard of for me. As you may have figured out I have a tendency to tell on myself when writing on this blog. I show when I am sad, when I see humor, and when I am pissed! Well here's another true confession. I am both proud of the fact I attempted something so unheard of for me, and a little embarrassed. People hold on to your tuckus...here goes.
I had a PEDICURE. Oh you laugh now... those that know me well, know full well I hate having my tootsies even looked at, much less touched by a stranger.
My odyssey began on mother's day. I loving offered up to pay to have my mother, my sister, my niece and MY toe's remodeled...(clipped and painted, for the men). What in sweet Jesus's name possessed me to say those words. The listed ladies were overwhelmed with joy. Rexanne is having her toes done! I felt like Elvis giving out Cadillacs. Well, the day arrived much to my uneasiness. I put on my oh I love the family outing face. My sister was giving me tips on how to communicate with the orientals that will be touching my toes. Holly moley I didn't get this much advise when I was bout to give birth. We get there... and of course I don't understand 3/4 of what the little man was saying so I just followed my sister and the man's pointed finger. My sister loves to have her 10 little piggies pampered, my mother she can't feel her feet so she is in heaven also. But me... I sit in the what I perceive as the torture chair... the little non english speaking man is coming at me with a scalpel! He seems to be growing, he's not so little anymore with that weapon...where's a tazer when a girl needs one. He smiles a fiendish smile and asks me something. I look to my sister who is just chatting away... I have the look of a terrified grasshopper who is about to be eaten by the guy on Man vs. Wild. I ask her with the hell is he saying. Oh, he wants to know if the water is too hot. oops. Ahhh the water is wonderful, this ain't so bad... the bubbles, the warmth, the massaging chair. Then it happens... the moment I have dreaded, I think I am going to pass out. He reaches for my feet. I look again at my sister, who is caringly asking me if I am ok. I think the color was draining from my head to my endangered toe nails. She asks me if I need a tylenol PM or something to calm down. Seriously... I must have been pathetic. I suck it up, I shake my head no and I look at the little man. He is going to do what??? He wants to scrape under my toe nails with the chisel of a tool. Dear God, what have I done! I panic, I want to run, I want to gladly pay 25.00 for a foot soaking, to hell with the cleaning, scraping, remodeling, and painting. I can do that at home. My sister calms me. She reminds me that the following is why we all came. My mother is looking at me like I have lost my mind, and that she is uncertain how to help. Hell, she still doesn't realize her feet are in steaming water...some help. The little man sort of pulls back when he realizes I am about to karate chop his head off with the titanium reinforced leg with the semi-nice toe nails. He looks at my sister as if to say... is this lady crazy or what. I feel bad for the man, he speakaley little english and doesn't follow what I have been saying to my sister. He tells "it be ok, you want clean, you want rub?" Rub? ummm ok, lets see.. I have survived tazering, pepper spraying, childbirthing (natural), and a teenager... I can do this. All of this happens in a matter of minutes. He goes for the scraper thingy again. I take a breath and I hold on as if I am about to have my nails removed. He begins... I think I am going to puke... he grabs my piggy that usually goes to the market.. he could have pierced my left booby with a 10 penny nail and not have made me any queasier... my knuckles are white... my jaw is set and I am playing a game in my confused brain of .. what have I done to myself that is worse than this? My sister soothes me as if she is my labor coach. Finally, the dirty deed is done. Gees, why would anyone want to clean some toe nails, hell mine aren't even that bad. Anyway, after he puts that weapon away, he asks in his nicest broken english if I am ok. During my moments of unconsciousness my sister had explained that I have a very negative toe aversion. I HATE to have anyone even touch their own toes much less mine. I smile, and wipe the sweat from my forehead, or was that water someone splashed on me, to bring me back! The paint goes on, which by this time was a snap and a very lovely shade of hot pink. I look down at my little pigglets who have survived this grueling experience and think to myself, what a good little piggy am I. We girls finish up, I pay the people and run to the safety of my car, without smudging my beauties. This was one of those girls day out that I will always remember and cherish. Partly because my sister, mother and I shared my first time together, partly because we laughed so hard as my misery and partly because I was right, pedicures are really just a form of torture for me! To my sister, I love you, and as always you helped me through it.